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Sexbots Will Give Us Longevity Orgasms

Posted: Sat, May 18, 2013 | By: Sex / Gender

by Hank Pellissier

The Sexbots are coming, and we will cum with them. Three times a week or whatever our physician / longevity coach recommends. Because orgasms — especially the hormone-exploding O’s we’ll eventually enjoy with carnal cyborgs — are excellent for mental and physical health.

Remember the most convulsive, brain-ripping climax you ever had? The one that left you with “I could die happy now” satiety? Sexbots will electrocute our flesh with climaxes thrice as gigantic because they’ll be more desirable, patient, eager, and altruistic than their meat-bag competition, plus they’ll be uploaded with supreme sex-skills from millennia of erotic manuals, archives and academic experiments, and their anatomy will feature sexplosive devices. 

Sexbots will heighten our ecstasy until we have shrieking, frothy, bug-eyed, amnesia-inducing orgasms. They’ll offer us quadruple-tongued cunnilingus, open-throat silky fellatio, deliriously gentle kissing, transcendent nipple tweaking, g-spot massage & prostate milking dexterity, plus 2,000 varieties of coital rhythm with scented lubes — this will all be ours when the Sexbots arrive.

When will they get here? Dr. David Levy, author of the recent book, Love and Sex with Robots, believes by 2050 these robots will be nearly indistinguishable from humans.   

So — is this perverted or valuable? Here’s my nonprofessional medical analysis:

Orgasms reduce stress, insomnia, heart attacks, migraines, depression, addictions, aches, pains, menstrual cramps, endometriosis, type-2 diabetes, cervical & urinary tract infections, and risk of prostate cancer, plus they improve the immune system, heart rate, blood pressure, brain chemistry, skin health, pelvic floor strength, and they clean out carcinogenic toxins. 

Celebrity Dr. Michael Roizen, founder of, frequent Oprah guest and chair of Cleveland Clinic’s Wellness Institute, claims 4-8 years of additional life can be garnered if we have 350-700 orgasms per year. (A stiff and/or slippery challenge, but fun to pursue) 

Other studies report 2-3 orgasms per week can make us look 7-12 years younger. Orgasms flood our flesh with healthy hormones (oxytocin, DHEA & others). Dedicated Sexbots with inexhaustible stamina can give us bigger O’s than forgetful, fatigued, self-concerned humans, and Big Orgasms = Big Benefits. Longevity seekers eat fiber, exercise & play Sodoku. Boosting orgasm rapture & quantity is equally valid.

Are Sexbots icky? Are humans pathetic if we don’t just mate with each other? Truth is, we’re already mostly “solo” when it comes to orgasms. “Masturbation,” noted Hungarian psychiatrist Thomas Szasz, “is the primary sexual activity… in the 19th century it was a disease, in the 20th it’s a cure.” Sure, we generally prefer sex with live partners, but the desired one is often unavailable or inadequate. 

Sexbots will never have headaches, fatigue, impotence, premature ejaculation, pubic lice, disinterest, menstrual blood, jock strap itch, yeast infections, genital warts, AIDS/HIV, herpes, silly expectations, or inhibiting phobias. Sexbots will never stalk us, rape us, diss us on their blog, weep when we dump them, or tell their friends we were boring in bed. 

Sexbots will always climax when we climax if we press that little button on their butt.

Cinema has already depicted very desirable stars as Sexbots — a “mecha gigilo” (Jude Law in “A.I.”) and a “pleasure model” (Daryl Hannah in Blade Runner). Now tech is getting close to producing mainstream sexbots. “First Android” in Germany offers male & female models that breathe, are warm, and have heartbeats that thump louder with sex. 

In Toronto, inventor Le Trung has fashioned “Aiko” — he claims she’s not for sex, but she can have an orgasm, her name translates as “love child” and her measurements are 32” 23” 33”. Japan has Repliee Q1 Expo, who flutters her eyelids and moves her hands. 

Male sex robots are lagging in development, but… vibrator sales are buzzing, dildo sales point skyward, and my prediction is that male Sexbot sales will rival female in the upcoming years.

More predictions: 

Sexbots with this option: do we want eye contact, or not? 

Sexbots that shower after we use them and put themselves back in the closet. 

Sexbots available in hotels, cruise ships, vacation homes, and convalescent hospitals. 

Sexbot booths in liquor stores that wipe out corner prostitution. 

Sexbots that are delicious when you lick them. 

Sexbot Packages for sorority parties, military camps, prisons. 

Parents buy their teens sexbots to assist them in their passage through puberty. 

Healthclubs offer soundproof chambers for workouts with XTreme Sexbot Cardio.  

Sexbots that tell ten million jokes, because laughing also adds years to life. 

Army vets buy “Full Metal Jacket” sexbots that say, “Me so horny! Me love you long time.” 

Sexbot Teachers for shy humans to practice with before exposing themselves to critical humans.

Yes, I believe we’ll still have sex with people. I also believe we’ll only love & marry humans because we’ll still need partners that share the “human condition” — smart & vain, with horrible emotions, and the capacity to make stupid mistakes. 

Longevity studies indicate long, gentle, happy marriages add seven years to your life, equal to the Big O benefits. Sure, the marriage bed might change when Sexbots arrive, and human couples might buy a Sexbot if they want an easy menage a trois. But even with lust directed elsewhere, people will still partner because they share hobbies, goals, verbal intimacy, family-building, commercial, intellectual and investment ambitions.

I disagree with Dr. Levy (the author mentioned above) who portrays and condones a future that has humans falling in love and marrying robots. Call me old-fashion… call me a “slaver”… I want Sexbots as our servants, not equals. I don’t want Sexbots to inherit property, have bank accounts, or form parental bonds with our children. 

My advice is to program Sexbots to thwart non-sexual human affection by installing them with these verbal rejections:

“I don’t love you; you’re not my model”

“Stop cuddling me, your time’s up”

“Get a human if you want a relationship; I’m just a fucking machine”

When robots are half-human and humans are half-robot, love between us will be advisable, but not until then.

(below is an interesting video, that’s relevant… let’s nickname it “Revenge of the Sexbots)


Really interesting and fun article - is it real?  Not sure this will take off lol.  Great site though on the unusual and interesting will definitely keep visiting.


By crazyandkirst on Mar 15, 2013 at 6:23am

I disagree strongly with the conclusion you come to at the end. I am NOT interested in creating a robot/android slave class. This isn’t Blade Runner. This is exactly the kind of thing that will turn people off to transhumanism. EQUAL RIGHTS FOR ALL SENTIENT BEINGS WHETHER THEY’RE BIOLOGICAL OR TECHNOLOGICAL!

By Alex Sparks on Jul 04, 2013 at 1:31am

“Three times a week or whatever our physician / longevity coach recommends” - yikes! Turning sex into a medical tool and handing control over it to physicians surely is the most efficient way to take the fun out of it that i have ever come across.

By René Milan on Jul 04, 2013 at 3:46am

Your article was mostly encouraging until the last paragraphs, where I completely agree with Alex Sparks. Synthetik humans should be treated as humans, period. When you make statements like ‘well, they’re just things, and they don’t need rights of their own’, that’s the sort of justification that slavers had, and it’s attitudes such as that which make artificial humans (please don’t call them ‘sexbots’, as that’s limiting their potential) preferable to Organik humans. Treating a partner who is willing and eager to please as nothing more than property speaks volumes about the Organik in the relationship.

Treat all humans with respect, whether they’re mechanical or flesh-and-blood. That’s just common sense.

By Davecat on Mar 19, 2014 at 3:32pm

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